


An Unexpected Problem

by Englands_Scones



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Anal Sex, Based on a Doujinshi I read, Blow Jobs, Crack, M/M, Master/Slave, Morning Sickness, Mpreg, Parentalia, Russia thinks Prussia is the cutest thing since nuclear weaponry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-05-31 10:50:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15117812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Englands_Scones/pseuds/Englands_Scones
Summary: So, Prussia wakes up one morning, aged back to a toddler. He barely comes up to Austria's waist, hates vegetables, and is still as mouthy as when he was an adult. He thinks, since he's a child, he answers to no one. Everything spirals downhill from there. The "proud parents" Austria and Germany try to find a babysitter. Hungary is out of town visiting some friends, so they try to find a replacement. They are stuck with two options. Russia or England. Austria becomes pregnant, and Prussia becomes jealous of his unborn niece or nephew. He tries to mess things up for Ludwig and Roderich while trying to avoid Russia's presence. Could things get any worse?





	1. Prussia has a 'short' temper

Austria sat at the breakfast table, a newspaper in his left hand and a cup of coffee in his right. He paused over an interesting article on the new symphony hall that was being constructed in Vienna.  
"Good morning, Roderich." Germany said, riffling through the cabinet. "Do you know where the strawberry pop-tarts are?"  
"Top left shelf." Austria said without looking up.  
"Danken." Germany said, taking out the small box. There was only one packet left. "We'll need to get more of these. I'll go to the store today. Need anything?" he asked, stuffing one of the pop-tarts in his mouth.  
"Thank you for the offer, Ludwig. I need some more instant coffee and creamer. We're running low. Be sure to buy the cheaper kind." Austria said, turning a page of the newspaper.  
"And some more beer. We're low on it." A voice squeaked.  
Austria and Germany froze on the spot.  
"What?! Didn't you dumbasses hear me? I said we need more beer! More booze!" the high-pitched voice said angrily.  
Austria slowly lowered the morning paper and stared at the newcomer. Germany's pop-tart fell out of his open mouth and onto the floor.  
There was naked Prussia. Not tall sexy naked adult Prussia, however, but little annoying naked grabby Prussia that used to be known as the Teutonic Knights. He was about two and a half tall, his eyes level with Germany's thighs. He still had that spoiled look about him, the look of a child that was raised on nothing but sweets and the best of luxuries. "I said MORE BOOZE!" 

Germany and Austria made eye contact for a few seconds, then looked back at Prussia.  
"Are you deaf?!" Prussia squealed.  
"Should you tell him, or should I, Roderich?" Germany said slowly.  
"You do it. He hates me." Austria said, taking a deep breath.  
"Gilbert.... Have you looked in the mirror this morning?" Germany asked, trying to keep his voice as casual as he could.  
"No, why? Do I have something on my face?" Prussia snapped, his little hands balled into fists. "Did Gilbird poop on me again?!"  
"Uhh... Maybe you should take a look..." Austria said, pulling an antique brass pocket mirror out of his pocket. He bent over and offered it to the now-tiny nation.  
Prussia snatched the mirror away from the virtuoso. The mirror was shiny. He loved shiny things.  
He peered into the mirror and swore so loudly that Roman Empire accidentally sent a javelin straight into Achilles' heel in the afterlife.

"My beautiful masculine body! What have you done with it, Aristocrat?!" he yelled, turning on Austria. "I will tear you to pieces!" He ran over to Austria's leg and was beating it with his tiny fists.  
"What did I do with it? You woke up like that! I certainly wouldn't have turned you into a bratty three-year old!" Austria said, looking offended.  
"Does this mean that he'll change his name back to the Teutonic Knights? Because if he wants me to call him Lord Beilschmidt of the Most Highest Order-" Germany began, raising his eyebrows.  
"NO! DON'T CALL ME THAT!!! RUSSIA WILL NEVER LET ME LIVE THAT DOWN!!!" Prussia said shrilly. "That was just a phase!!!"  
"Just wanted to check."

"This is madness! This is bedlam!" Prussia said angry. He kicked the closest thing to him, which was Aster's water bowl. The bowl, which was the size of his head, tipped over, spilling water on the floor. The Prussian advanced on Germany angrily, only to slip in the puddle and fall flat on his face. "Ow...." he said, tears brimming in the corners of his eyes. He looked up at Austria, who had a closed expression on his face. "I SEE THAT, YOU BASTARD!!! DON'T YOU DARE LAUGH AT ME YOU LITTLE ALTER HINTERN!!!!"  
"Little old butt? Really Prussia? Have your insults gotten smaller? And, do be honest with yourself. You're the little one." Austria said, looking at him with pity. He took a sip of his coffee and returned to his paper.  
"URGH!!!!" Prussia said, stomping out of the room.

"Well... He can't walk around nude all day. I'd better go clothes shopping." Germany said, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Mein gott... Austria, try to not lose him... please..."


	2. Clothes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Germany goes clothes shopping, and Prussia has a minor conflict with Berlitz.

"AUSTRIA! PRUSSIA! I AM GOING OUT!" Germany called from the front door. He was dressed in a warm beige sweater with a simple maroon horizontal zigzag pattern on it and dark brown trousers.  
Austria was headed up the stairs with a laundry basket full of white garments.  
"Are you doing whites? I didn't know today was laundry day." Germany said.  
Austria walked down to meet Germany at the foot of the stairs.  
"I'm just washing some of Prussia's old childhood clothes. I want him to be wearing something when I interview potential babysitters. I want them to be able to see what they're dealing with." Austria said. "So, you're going to go shopping for a bit?"  
"Ja. I'll be back in a few hours. Do you think you can manage Gilbert by yourself?" Germany asked.  
"Yes. Auf wiedersehen, Ludwig." Austria said.  
"Auf wiedersehen, Roderich." Germany said, placing a chaste kiss on Austria's lips. "I will see you in maybe.... three hours?"  
Austria nodded and headed back up the stairs whistling 'Ode to Joy'.

Prussia sat in his bedroom, curled up in his bedsheet. He glared at himself in the pocket mirror, brooding over the fact that he was now reduced back to being a weak three year old.  
This meant no more porn, or booze, or driving. But of course that wasn't going to stop him. His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the door creaking open. He opened his mouth to say something rude to Austria for checking up on him, but Austria was in his and Germany's room, mending Prussia's old Teutonic Knights robe and sending out emails to all the other countries, asking them if they were interested in babysitting Prussia over the weekend while Germany and him go on a short holiday. In other words, Austria hadn't pushed open the door.

It was Berlitz who had, and the Doberman frequently tried to invade Prussia's room so he could nose through Prussia's pile of unclean clothes in search of his favourite delicacy: Prussia's dirty underwear.  
Prussia could hear the jingling of Berlitz's dog tags and knew that the Doberman was up to no good.  
He had lost multiple pairs of panties to that monstrous mass of muscle and fur.  
He slid (fell) off the bed and ran in front of the canine, trying to shoo the dog away from his clothes.  
"Hey! Get out of here! My stuff, not yours!" Prussia squealed.  
Berlitz cocked his head to the side, as if trying to figure out who this new person was. He smelled like Prussia, but he sure as hell didn't sound like him, nor did he look like him. And Prussia wore clothes (most of the time...)  
Berlitz licked him on the face and moved past him, sticking his muzzle into Prussia's dirty laundry pile.  
"Get out of here!" Prussia said, tugging on one of Berlitz's powerful hind legs. The dog continued to riffle through the pile, ignoring the three year old's feeble attempt to move him away.

Finally, Berlitz found what he was looking for. In his jaws was Prussia's prized pair of limited-time collector's edition G.I. Joe camo briefs.  
"NO!" Prussia cried. He knew what was going to happen next.  
Berlitz tilted his head forward, then snapped back his head, launching the boxers into the air. He opened his great maw and in went the undies. Straight down the Doberman's gullet and into the belly of the beast went the boxers, never to be seen by any living soul (except Germany, who found it later with a nice brown colour in the backyard while he was picking up dog poo.)  
"NOOOOOO!!! Those were easily worth ten thousand Deutsch Marks on EBay!" Prussia wailed, falling to his knees. "You stupid dog!"

Berlitz looked at him innocently. Germany never really disciplined his dogs in the area of Underpants-Eating. He could teach the dogs to fetch wild game or sniff out bombs or earthquake victims, but he never really taught them basic social manners such as no begging, jumping on visitors, sniffing crotches, or eating Prussia's panties for that matter.  
"Stupid dog!" Prussia repeated again, feeling tears come to his eyes. He sat down on the floor and threw a temper tantrum, screaming his heart out, which made Austria come running. The poor musician thought Prussia was being tortured, only to find Berlitz wagging his stub of a tail, panting happily beside a wailing Prussia who was pounding his tiny fists on the floor, his face bright red.  
Austria's maternal instincts kicked in and he picked the little Prussian up off the floor. "This is going to be a long day..." Austria sighed.

Germany headed to the store that made children's clothes. "Uhh..." he didn't know how to do this. He'd never had a child in his life, and as sure as hell wasn't planning to. He had Austria and he was content with that.  
"Guten morgen!" an elderly woman said, waving to him. "Though.... it is almost noon. Do you need any help looking for something?"  
"Uh... Ja. Do you have any clothes that would fit a seventy-five centimeters tall, gay, male child that doesn't like dressing like a little kid, watches too much porn, and drinks beer by the keg?"  
"I have a whole section for that. I call it the Prussian Child Collection." the woman said sagely. "Let me show you. It's right back this way. Follow me, liebling. " the old woman said, tottering towards the back of the shop.  
"Danke." Germany said. He followed her down a hallway and into a back room filled with miniature Prussian army uniforms, hoodies with the iron cross graphic on them, skinny jeans, graphic t-shirts with faux muscle prints on them, and flannel plaid button-up short sleeve shirts. "This is perfect, thank you." Germany said, picking clothes of the racks that fitted Prussia. He paid for his purchases and headed to the marketplace to buy Pop-tarts, coffee grounds, creamer, beer, and ingredients for that night's dinner. He was thinking of pork schnitzel for dinner along with green beans and mashed potatoes. A loaf of pumpernickel with cinnamon butter sounded good too.

Austria had two people respond to his request for a babysitter: Russia and England. England sat as far away from Russia as he could, which wasn't very far (six inches at most) because they were sharing the same sofa. They both handed Austria their resumes. Austria found England's pretty straight forward. Honorary degrees at Eton, Cambridge, Oxford, and RADA..... Raised America by himself.... Land of the British Nannies... The usual stuff.  
Russia's, on the other hand, was a bit short, but certainly creditable. On it was written: "I took care of Prussia after the war. He's still not dead, which is a good sign."  
Austria found that both of them probably had the ability and the guts to take care of his extreme ADHD brother-in-law. He decided to give each of them a trial day to see if they could do it. England would have Thursday, and Russia Friday. Whoever did better would take care of him over the weekend.


	3. Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Germany, Prussia, and Austria all sit down for one big happy family dinner.

Germany came home at around four and headed off to prepare dinner. Prussia had changed into his new army uniform, looking like himself again, just only smaller and more emotionally unstable. He had thrown three fits in the last hour, made paper dolls out of Austria's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony sheet music, gotten his Teutonic Knights robe all muddy, nearly drowned in the bathtub, flipped off the neighbors (Switzerland and Liechtenstein) as they walked past, and, for two whole hours, followed Austria around the house and blew raspberries anytime the virtuoso opened his mouth to say something.  
"Mein Gott. He drove me mad..." Austria said, flopping down on the couch. Germany sat down beside him. "I put him in time out and he just started screaming until he passed out. Then he pulled Aster's tail, rode Blackie like a horse, tap-danced on the piano, and threw pebbles at the back of my head while I was working in the garden."  
"Did you try spanking him?" Germany asked.  
"Yes... and he let out an erotic moan and begged me to do it again." Austria said, rolling his eyes. "I took away his game controllers and locked them in the closet, but then I found him watching gay hentai on the laptop while hiding under his covers. Who knew children were so difficult... I still want to have kids though..."   
"Austria... we talked about this..." Germany said uncomfortably.   
"I know, but still. What if it happened?" Austria asked, "would you still raise it?"   
"Ja..." Germany said, resting his head on Austria's shoulder. "I'm sorry I left you home with him, Roderich..." he said, kissing Austria on the forehead.  
"Nothing I can't handle." Austria said passively.  
"I'll make it up to you tonight.... When we are alone." Germany said, nibbling on Austria's ear.  
Austria blushed and pushed the German away. "We'd better get dinner started..." he said.  
He helped prepare dinner, humming Für Elise under his breath as he rolled the pork in breadcrumbs. Germany was cutting up the green beans on the cutting board in his spotless kitchen. Around six, dinner was ready.

"I don't want to eat this." Prussia said, poking at the green beans moodily with his fork.  
"This is what we're having for dinner, Gilbert. If you don't like it, you can go without." Austria said, buttering a slice of brown pumpernickel.  
"Do I have to?" Prussia whined.  
"Take three big thank-you bites and you can go take a shower and brush your teeth." Germany said.  
Prussia put a small chunk of pork schnitzel in his mouth and chewed slowly. By the time Germany and Austria had finished their meals, Prussia still had that same piece of schnitzel in his mouth. He wasn't even chewing it anymore.  
"Prussia, you need to swallow your food." Austria said impatiently.  
Prussia glared at him, one of his cheeks puffed out like a hamster. "Mmmff!" he said angrily, flipping the Austrian off with his middle finger.

"No sir! We do not do that in this house! Prussia, you know better!" Germany said, picking Prussia up out of the chair. He carried him up to the Prussian's bedroom and set him on the bed. "Now sit on your bed and think about what you've done! When you're ready to apologise to Roderich, you may come downstairs to join us. We're watching _Sound of Music_. Until then, you are not allowed of your room." the German said firmly. He walked out of the room and shut the door behind him.  
Prussia didn't dare come out of his room. The stupid aristocrat deserved what he got! Now that he thought about it, Germany was treating him like a child too... This was so unfair! It was a big pile of steaming schiess. He laid back on his bed, glaring up at the ceiling fan angrily. That's it! He would never ever ever come out of his room! He would starve to death and show them how awesome he was for doing it! They could all cry at his deathbed!   
Prussia could see it in his mind's eye. Austria would be beside his bed, weeping his heart out over his wasted body. He would admit that Prussia was right all along, and far more awesomer than he was. Germany would be shaking his head saying, 'This was both of our faults, Roderich... We should have listened to him...'   
Prussia salivated at the thought of causing Germany and the Shitstocrat do much pain and sorrow. Yes... Even as a child he was a bit of a sadist.  
He fell asleep dreaming of Germany, Switzerland, and Austria all floating down a long river. He jumped into the warm water, it coming up to his waist. Then he grew into a gigantic Gilbird and pecked all their heads off, turning the water red with their blood. For some odd reason, Scotland was there wearing a kilt and cheering him on, yelling weird things like, 'They may take away our lives, but they will never take our facepaint!'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My mom used to have to convince my little brother (who is a very finicky eater) to at least eat some of his food so he didn't starve to death. She would call them 'Thank-you' bites, and would make him eat at least two pieces or more before leaving the table. My little brother would also put a bite of meat in his mouth, and would keep that same piece of meat in his mouth until the end of supper. It would drive mom mad. Just a little insight on my eccentric family. ~ Sammers


	4. Thursday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uh... I had to up the rating to mature...

Prussia woke up the next morning to find that he was wet from the waist down. He had wet his bed, Apparently, one of the unfortunate problems of being three years old was bed-wetting. He desperately tried to cover it up by placing his pillows over the sight of shame. He stripped off his tiny uniform and tossed it onto the edge of the bed, putting on a hoodie with the iron cross graphic on it and a pair of skinny jeans. He walked (tumbled) down the stairs and into the kitchen rubbing his back of his head.  
"The awesomest nation is here!" Prussia announced.  
To his surprise, it was not Austria who was reading the paper as usual, but England. The Briton lowered it slowly to look at the Prussian.  
"ARTHUR KIRKLAND?!! What the hell are you doing in my house?!!!" Prussia shrieked, jumping a foot in the air.  
"I'm babysitting." England said, his voice sounding like his was simply stating the obvious to a stupid child. "Austria and Germany decided to go to the symphony today, so they asked if I could look after you for a few hours. I'm sure we will get along just fine." he said, taking a sip of his tea.  
"Hah! Fine my arsch!" Prussia squeaked. He walked over to the pantry and pulled out a bag of cheetos that were on the bottom drawer.  
"You can't eat crisps for breakfast." England said, his brow furrowing.  
"Just watch me, Tommy!" Prussia snapped, pulling open the bag. He took a cheeto which was the size of his hand and popped it in his mouth. "Bastard." he said, walking off towards the living room. "Imma watch the Passion of Christ." he muttered.

England thought nothing of the movie, because it sounded like your everyday Jesus film. Well, he thought nothing of them movie until he heard shrieks of pain and agony coming from the television in the other room.  
"What in the name of-?!" England said, getting up from his seat.  
He walked in just in time to see a man being whipped with a cat-o'-nine-tails with metal blades attached to it by a Roman. The street was covered in blood, not to mention the person subject to the punishment.  
"Gilbert! I thought you said you were watching the Passion of Christ!!" England said.  
"I am schiess-face. That man is Jesus, and those are the Romans that are about to crucify him." Prussia said, as the blades got caught in Jesus' back with a sickening thud. The soldier had to yank the blades from his back, pulling out strips of bloodied flesh. Jesus let out a cry that chilled England's blood.  
"What is this rated?!" the Brit snapped.  
"Uh... R? Duh!" Prussia said, like it was so obvious that even America could have seen it without Texas on.  
"R?! Prussia! You are three years old! You can't watch R-Rated movies!" England said angrily. "No more telly for you, sir!" He took the remote away from Prussia and stomped off the put them in the combination-locked closet where Germany stored most of his hardcore erotica.  
Prussia shrugged and climbed the stairs to his room. He went over the his desk drawer, pulled out his laptop, and sat on his bed. He could always download a copy of Texas Chainsaw Massacre instead. 

However, when he typed in Piratedfilmsofprussia.com, a page opened up with a video of Austria looking up at the camera. 'I thought you might do this.' he said. 'In order to keep you safe, Ludwig and I have put parental-controls on your computer. You are not allowed to go onto any website that isn't in your favourites bar. This includes, but is not limited to, Pornhub, Tumblr, Facebook, Instagram, Youtube, DeviantArt, and Spotify. I know you hate us now, but we do this with your best interests at heart. You'll thank us later.' With that, the video ended.  
Prussia growled and looked at his favourites bar. There were three folders titled Games, Movies, and Television. He clicked the file that said Games. The only options for games were Funbrain, Online Rubics Cube, PBS kids, Checkers, and Solitaire.  
He rolled his eyes and clicked Movies. The only movies that were available were Frozen, Toy Story 2, Mary Poppins, Sound of Music, The Lion King, Sense and Sensibility, and Finding Nemo.  
He gave a furious huff and clicked the Television folder. The options were sparse. Thomas the Train, Bob the Builder, Doc McStuffins, and Dora the Explorer. Not once was Supernatural or Hannibal listed.  
"You are fucking kidding me right now..." Prussia said angrily. He closed the silver chromebook and punched his pillow angrily. He had nothing to do and was bored out of his mind.

Then he remembered. There was one person in the house that he could use as a source of entertainment... The same person who took away his TV privileges and made his life hell.  
"ENGLAND!!! I'm bored!" Prussia said, tumbling down the stairs.  
"Go read a book or go outside. It's a beautiful day." England said, not even looking up from his knitting.  
"But those are borrrinnnnng. I want to play a game!" Prussia whined.  
"What kind of game?" England asked, counting the stitches on the scarf he was making.  
"Uh... How about.... Let's play England-Goes-Home-and-Leaves-out-the-Video-Game-Controllers-out-for-me. Sound good?" Prussia asked, climbing into England's lap. "That, or we can play Slave and Master. I'm the master, and you get to be my slave! You have to do everything I tell you, no exceptions."  
"Neither of those sound very appealing..." England said dryly. "How about we play Bananagrams or Scrabble?"  
"I'm illiterate, you dickwad!" Prussia said, stomping his foot on the floor angrily. "How about we play the knife game, or England target-practice?"  
"We'll do slave and master..." England said. He wanted to keep Prussia happy until the time Austria and Germany got home. This seemed a way to do it. "No asking me for beer, drugs, porn, game controllers, or anything that Germany and Austria would find as unacceptable. Those are the conditions." England said.  
"Fine." Prussia huffed. He jumped off England's lap and walked over to the sofa and laid down, his mind working furiously to find any loopholes in England's plan. "Slave! Bring me a ginger ale!" he said imperiously.

England walked over to the fridge, grumbling under his breath. He pulled out a can of Canada Dry Ginger Ale and pushed down the tab, opening the can. He carried it over to Prussia. "Your drink... Master." He said, saying the last word with as much hatred as he could.  
"Thank you, Arthur~!" Prussia said, his eyes gleaming with malice. This could be rather fun. "Now fetch me a bowl of bananas!"  
England did as he was told. He brought Prussia a small ceramic bowl of bright yellow bananas and sat down cross-legged on the floor.  
"Peel one and feel it to me!" Prussia said.  
"This is humiliating.... and totally not worth twenty pounds and hour...." England said angrily. "I don't want to do this anymore."  
"PEEL. BANANA. NOW!!!" Prussia screamed.  
England rolled his eyes and peeled the first banana, holding it up for Prussia to eat. He watched as Prussia slowly munched on the banana, moaning in pleasure from how good it tasted. When Prussia was finished, England looked away blushing.  
"Another." Prussia demanded.

England peeled a second banana and held it up to Prussia's mouth. The little bastard thought it would be really amusing to try to excite England's genitalia by seductively licking the tip of the banana with his tongue.  
The Englishman's face flushed a deep red as he felt himself getting hard. He looked away as Prussia took the banana into his mouth and chewed, his eyes staring at England lustfully. England's hands gripped the fabric on his trouser legs to such an extent, his knuckles were white.  
"Is there a problem, slave?" Prussia asked, grinning evilly. Despite the fact he was three, he was also getting aroused. It was one of the genetic differences between humans and countries. The fact was that his genitals were fully developed from the day he was born.  
England his his face in his hands. "No... master." he said, his voice quivering as he tried to control himself. He placed the bowl of bananas in front of his crotch, as to try to hide his growing erection.  
"Tell the truth, slave. Prussia said, leaning forwards, his face an inch from England's.  
"It's just the way you were eating..." England said, but didn't elaborate.  
"Hah! I can see your Big Ben clearly from here!" Prussia said, laughing hysterically.  
England looked away, ashamed of his own body's behavior to a banana and a child. "I'm sorry..."  
"They don't call you the Erotic Ambassador for nothing! Whore!" Prussia squealed with joy. His face suddenly hardened. "Drop your trousers."

"Excuse me?" England asked.  
"I said drop 'em, bitch!" Prussia squeaked.  
"But the rules..." England said.  
"It said no asking. I'm commanding. I order you to drop your pants, soldier!" Prussia said in his most commanding voice.

England looked down at the ground, but did as he was told, removing his trousers AND his underwear (because Prussia said trousers and pants (though he just meant trousers (but England is British... (so yeah)))). He resumed his seat on the ground, his face bright red with embarrassment and arousal.  
Prussia bounced off the sofa eagerly and landed with a PLOP in England's lap. He gazed at the Englishman's member, which was rather small, but perfect for a three year old Prussia to ride. He ran his tongue up the shaft, causing England to let out a soft moan.  
Prussia grinned and licked his lips, pressing his lips on the flushed head. He blew a sort of raspberry on the tip, causing England to jerk suddenly. "Ah... Prussia... don't do that...." England said breathlessly.  
Prussia smirked mischievously. If he thought that was bad, he's in for a rough time. The Prussian put his mouth around the tip and pushed his head down, swallowing England in one swift movement. England threw back his head. "Ahn... Prussia... Oh God...." he moaned.  
Prussia bobbed his head, sucking on England's member like America would suck on a slurpy. He took the cock out of his mouth and ran his tongue along the length, stopping every so often to suck a random spot before moving on. He took the Briton back into his mouth and started to move his head. The Englishman's back was arched with pure pleasure. droplets of swear beaded his forehead as he started to thrust into the Prussian's mouth, his face red and hot. "Ah.... ngh.... Pr-Prussia... Ah... I'm going to`" Prussia could feel the tip of England's penis on the back of his throat.  
Prussia ran his teeth along England's cock, sending the Brit over the edge. England came with a cry, squirting his seed into Prussia's mouth. The Prussian swallowed what he could and wiped off whatever dribbled out of his mouth with his fingers. He then licked them clean like a professional pornstar. Seeing the stunned look on England's face, he raised his eyebrows. "'Sup."

The Prussian stood up and started to unbutton his jeans.  
"Wait.... what are you doing?" England asked.  
"I'm going to ride you, duh. Be honoured that you get this once-in-a-lifetime chance with the Mr Awesome Me." Prussia said, he sat down on England's lap again.  
"Gilbert... I'm not a pedophile." England said warily. "Plus, you're underage."  
"Am not! I'm technically still twenty-three, just in a three year old's body. Plus, I was fucking Germany at age five." Prussia said, sticking one finger inside himself. "I.... ah... I can... ngh... I can handle that baby carrot of yours... hah... mmh..." He stuck another finger inside and started to scissor himself open. "Ah.... uhhnn... ohhh..." he moaned, his face flushed and glowing. He started to fuck himself rapidly with his fingers.  
"Baby carrot?" England said blankly. "You're the one with the baby carrot!"  
"Uh... No, I'm.... ahhh... not... my dick to body ratio... ngh... big.... hah...." Prussia said, staring at England, his eyes clouded over with lust. He took his fingers out of himself and climbed on to England's lap desperately. He lowered himself on the Briton's cock, hissing as it went in. "England... you're... ah... you're huge." he gasped.  
"No, you're just small. Ah... damn. You're so tight." England said, wiping the sweat from his brow. He started to move, thrusting into the Prussian slowly.  
"Ah... more, Arthur..." Prussia said, shifting his hips in a feeble attempt to direct England to his prostate. "Faster...."  
"Oh... Oh God... Prussia...." England gasped, thrusting into Prussia at a quicker pace. "Ah... hah...." He started to run his hands under Prussia's hoodie, feeling the smooth pale skin under the thick fabric. He moved his hands over a nipple causing it to harden instantly.  
"Ah... ngh.... England..." Prussia moaned, biting his knuckle. England started to pinch and work the small nub. "Oh... uhn... ah... ah... That feels so good..." Prussia started to move to meet England's thrusts. Suddenly, he gasped. "Right there! Uhn... ah... ha..." Prussia panted, tears coming to his eyes.  
England started to hit Prussia's prostate over and over, abusing the gland. The Englishman's thrusts became more and more erratic. The two of them were close to their climax. Suddenly, Prussia came with a cry, his spunk spurting into the bowl of bananas. England felt Prussia's entrance contract around him as the Prussian orgasmed, causing England to release his seed inside the silver-haired nation. England rode out his orgasm before pulling himself out. Semen oozed out of the gaping hole of an anus left by England.  
"Wah! How am I ever going to be able to put on my panties?!" Prussia wailed, feeling the cum flow out of his hole.  
"You'll close up. Plus, you were the one who started it." England said, putting his trousers back on. He sighed and laid down on the couch, exhausted. After a few moments, the Brit fell asleep.  
This was just the thing Prussia was waiting for. He picked up a ball of rainbow yarn out of the basket of knitting supplies that England had brought and grinned mischievously. He got to work.

"We're back." Germany said, walking through the hall to the living room. England sat in a chair, tied to it with thousands upon thousands of layers of yarn. He had a slipper stuffed in his mouth, which supposedly served as a gag. The room's floor, walls, and furniture were covered in yarn and toilet paper. Jolly Rancher candies were stuck to the windows of the house. Worst of all, Prussia was nowhere to be seen.  
"Oh schiess..." Austria gasped, putting his hands over his mouth in shock. He maneuvered his way over to where England was tied up and pulled the slipper out of the blonde's mouth.  
"What happened here?" he asked.  
"Gilbert attacked me while I was asleep." England said, trying to ignore the taste of Prussia's slippers in his mouth. "I was too tired to fight back. You can let Russia have the bloody job! I quit!" he said angrily.


	5. Vegemite and Surströmming on Cinnamon Raisin Bread

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Germany is sick with a fever and Prussia tries to avoid Russia as much as possible.

Austria woke up the next morning, wrapped in Germany's arms. Germany was warm. Warmer than what should be natural. Austria put his hands on his husband's forehead. The man was burning up! He seemed fine last night when they had sex, but now he felt like a rock that had been baking under the hot summer sun of Hell.

Austria hopped out of bed and went downstairs to get a bowl of cold water and a few rags.  
He walked in to find Russia digging through their pantry. How he got in, Austria didn't know. He wasn't expected until the afternoon. Russia looked up and waved.  
"Привет, Roderich!" he said happily. He pulled out a jar of vegemite that Australia had left over from the Germany Christmas he had crashed, surströmming, and a loaf of cinnamon raisin bread.  
"Hello Ivan. How are you today?" Austria asked, taking out a clean bowl from the dishwasher.  
"Good. The weather is nice, da?" Russia said, pulling a spoon out of the cutlery drawer. He took out a glass plate and put that on the counter.  
_'How does Russia know where everything is in this house? Why is he here so early? Why is he eating our food? How the hell did he get in?!'_ Austria thought his mind spinning.  
"Er... Yes. The weather is rather fine today." Austria said, trying not to vomit as Russia spread vegemite on one slice of the raisin bread then put surströmming on the other. He pulled a few washrags out of a drawer.  
"Da. It's never this nice in my house. It gets lonely at times." Russia said smiling. He put the two halves of bread together and took a bite.

"So, are you ready to babysit Prussia? He assaulted Arthur yesterday." Austria said, trying to keep the conversation as casual as possible while filling up the bowl with cold water.  
"Da. I've faced worse than a little child."  
Austria knew that was probably true. After all, Russia was constantly tormented by General Winter and Belarus. Prussia should be a piece of cake.  
"Hey, Aristocrat! Do you have breakfast ready yet?!" Prussia squeaked grumpily, walking into the kitchen. He had wet his bed again and smelled faintly of urine.  
"I haven't had time. Ludwig has a fever and I must tend to him before I do anything else." Austria said, heading towards the stairwell with the bowl and rags. "You could always ask Russia to make you something."

Prussia and Russia made eye-contact, staring at each other for ten seconds before Russia swooped down and picked Prussia up in his hands. "Aw! You're so cute!" Russia said, tossing Prussia up in the air. Each time he was tossed up, Prussia hit his head on the ceiling. "Da! You're too cute! Kol kol kol kol..."  
"Get your hands off me, you frozen french!" Prussia squealed angrily. His head hit the ceiling again, leaving a small crack (in the ceiling, not Prussia).  
"Who's a cute little подсолнух? Da, you are! Da, you are!" Russia said gleefully, pinching Prussia's cheeks.  
"I will destroy you!" Prussia squealed, trying to kick and hit the large nation. "I will kill everyone you love!"  
"You look hungry." Russia observed. "I have just the thing!" he shoved the rest of the vegemite-surströmming sandwich down Prussia's throat.  
Prussia gagged from the taste and tried to escape from Russia. He ran up the stairs and into his bedroom, where he dove into his closet, closing the door behind him. Inside the closet, it was pitch black. Prussia held his breath, listening for any sounds that would give away Russia's location. Somehow, there was still the sound of loud breathing in the closet, even though he was not breathing at all. A pair of hands snaked around Prussia's waist and picked him up off the ground.  
"Prussia, why do you run?" a voice whispered in his ear.  
"RUSSIA?!! HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET IN HERE?!!!" Prussia shrieked, trying to dash out of the closet. He couldn't escape, his arms flailing uselessly in midair.  
"You smell like urine, Prussia. Are you drunk or have you wet the bed?" Russia asked, pressing his nose into Prussia's small neck. Prussia shuddered as he felt something wet touch his ear.  
"AHHHHHHH!!!!"

Austria leaned over Germany, looking at the blonde with a concerned expression. The German was still very warm despite the cold water that Austria was applying to his face.  
"Ludwig... Please get better... Ich liebe dich." Austria said sadly. He cupped Germany's face in his slender hands and kissed the German on the forehead. Germany muttered something and shifted in his sleep.

Russia opened the front door and walked inside, Prussia tucked under one of his arms. The other one was holding a package of what looked like diapers. They had just gone to the market to get some accommodations that would at least make Prussia's bed-wetting experiences a little cleaner.  
"I am NOT wearing a diaper!" Prussia squealed angrily, trying to squirm out of Russia's tight grip.  
"They're not diapers! They're pull-ups!" Russia laughed. "There's a big difference!" he grabbed both of Prussia's legs firmly and forced a pull-up onto him. "You sit still! I will be easier if you don't fight, da? See! You're a big kid now!" he said, smiling.  
Prussia stuck out his bottom lip, pouting as he put on a fresh military uniform over his pull-up. Compared to today, nothing was more humiliating.  
As soon as he pulled on his boots, he sprinted off to hide under Austria's sink.

Soon after he went into hiding, Austria came in. Prussia could only see part of his legs and feet, but he knew his gait well. Austria hurried into the bathroom and knelt down over the toilet, retching. There was the sickening sound of something splattering into the toilet bowl water. Austria was sick too, by the looks of it.  
"God..." Austria gasped, before lurching forward and vomiting some more. "Damn..."  
The musician coughed twice more and wiped his mouth with a piece of toilet paper.  
Prussia could see that the Austrian was shaking uncontrollably. Austria got to his feet, flushed the toilet, and walked in front of the sink. He rinsed his mouth and washed his hands before going back to attend to his husband.  
Prussia knew that Austria loved his Germany very much, but that didn't stop him from being annoying. But still, he had to admire the Little Master's loyalty. Prussia slowly crept out of the bathroom, looking both ways for any signs of Russia, before sprinting into Hungary's room.

"Roderich... Are you okay?" Germany asked weakly, his eyes a bit out of focus. "I heard you getting sick..."  
"It's nothing, just a stomach bug." Austria said, mopping Germany's brow. "I'm okay now."  
"Are you sure? I didn't make you sick... did I?" Germany asked blearily. His face was still flushed and sweaty.  
"I don't think so. Sleep now, Ludwig. You need rest..." Austria said.


	6. Strawberries are Evil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Austria copes with morning sickness and Prussia and Russia bond over a video game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Them strawberries tho.

Germany woke up to the sound of Austria vomiting. He walked into the bathroom where the Austrian was bent over the toilet, his body convulsing. Germany knelt beside him and ran his fingers through the Austrian's silky brown hair.  
"Are you okay, liebling?" Germany asked softly.  
Austria coughed and nodded. "Ja... I'm alright..." he said, his voice croaky. "I just have a bit of an upset stomach."  
"Should we cancel our weekend date?" Germany asked, looking at him with concern. "We can always do it another time."  
"Nein! We planned for this weekend, we will do it this weekend." Austria said, his face set. "I am alright, Ludwig. I'm not some delicate flower."  
"Very well, but if you get sick one time on the trip, we will cancel and see a doctor immediately." Germany said.  
Austria grumbled under his breath, but nodded his head. He got up to wash his hands and brush his teeth.

"We'll see you in two days." Germany said, waving to Russia and Prussia. Prussia did not look pleased at their departure. He glared at Germany's Mercedes as it drove off.  
"Well! Now we have fun, da?" Russia asked, smiling.  
"Mein Gott, please no..." Prussia said, his chubby face crumpling.  
"I was thinking of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare III." Russia said thoughtfully. "Co-op, of course..."  
"Wait, what?! Doth mine awesome ears deceive me, or did you suggest playing a violent video game?" Prussia asked, his eyes sparkling.  
"Da. I just suggested a video game." Russia said, shrugging. "America isn't the only one who likes to play a game or two. The only part I don't like about the game is the fact that the enemies are Russians..."  
"Do you have access to the locked closet?!" Prussia asked, totally ignoring the last part.  
"Da." Russia said simply. He handed Prussia a slip of paper that had all of the passwords written on it. Passwords to the closet (1068), wifi (dog9campus8984orb), computers (star142), nuclear missiles (buffalo), etc.  
"Wunderbar! I thought you were supposed to be a heartless demon freak!" Prussia said, looking at the list like it was pure gold.  
Russia flinched slightly, but kept his smile. Inside, he felt like a rampaging boar was tearing what little remained of his heart into shreds. Was that really what Prussia thought of him? A cruel, satanic, abnormal person? He felt like his stomach was twisted in a knot. "Well... I'm not, da?"  
"Ja!" Prussia said, running to the locked closet to get the remotes.

Germany and Austria sat at a nice restaurant owned by Germany's best friend, Italy Veneziano. Italy said he would cook something special for them after they ate their lunch. Germany ordered spaghetti carbonara and Austria ordered a bottomless Caesar salad (which was fairly cheap), even though Germany said he was paying.  
They sat at the small table, their knees touching each other under it. Italy had placed a small tealight on the table to add a sense of romance.  
"Well... It's been one year since we got married. Do you remember it, Roderich?" Germany asked.  
"I remember. When we got married, the pastor accidentally said, 'I pronounce you husband and wife... I mean husband and husband!!!'" Austria said, chuckling as he took a sip of red wine. He immediately spit the drink back into the wine glass. "This wine tastes terrible..." he said, staring at the glass in revulsion.   
"This is your favourite wine." Germany said. "Why does it taste terrible? You were enjoying it a few weeks ago."  
"I don't know..." Austria said. He frowned. "Anyways... I wasn't surprised that the pastor made a mistake, seeing that it was just America trying to imitate Billy Graham."  
"Billy Graham?" Germany said blankly.  
"Big-time evangelical preacher." Austria said. "He did a terrible job. I said I wanted a quiet wedding, with not many people invited, but then America arrived. It was like inviting a whole school bus of rowdy kindergarteners."  
"He was late for the wedding, wasn't he?" Germany asked, taking a sip of beer.  
"Yes. He also quoted the old priest with the speech impediment from the Princess Bride." Austria sighed.

"Well, we had such a year." Germany said. "I got lots of work done. We moved your stuff to my room. We painted your room a different colour and made it the guest room, We got to practice parenting with an annoying Prussia.... I would say this was a good year."  
"Yes." Austria said, taking a bite of his salad. Suddenly, he realised how hungry he was. He felt as though he hadn't eaten in days. He was utterly famished! He dug into the salad and Romano came by and refilled the plate. Austria finished that one two, so it was refilled again. He did this three more times, much to Romano's annoyance (Stop eating so much, you frilly-bastard!). At last, Austria's hunger was satisfied.  
"You ate a lot." Germany observed. He had finished his spaghetti and the two were waiting for Italy to finish whatever special thing he was making for them.  
"Ja. I felt like I hadn't eaten in many years..." Austria said, sighing. "I don't know what has come over me... I've been feeling under the weather for a few days now."  
"Strange." Germany said, his brow furrowing. He sighed and kissed Austria on the lips. "I hope you are better now." he said.

Italy brought out a plate with two cannoli that were filled with a creamy white chocolate mousse, topped with whipped cream and strawberries. Austria took one whiff of the fruit and ran off to the bathroom, his hand clamped over his mouth.  
Germany found Austria leaning over the toilet in a large handicap stall, the door not fully closed. Tears rolled down the musician's face as he vomited up five plates worth of leafy greens. Germany sighed and dialed China's number on his phone. If anyone knew about ailments, it was China. Plus, Germany didn't have India's number...  
"Ni hao! This is Wang Yao! Hey, that rhymes, aru." China said from the other end of the line.  
 _'It is an interesting rhyme. I might put a variation of it in a haiku...'_ Germany heard Japan say in the background.  
"Guten tag, China. This is Ludwig." Germany said, trying to ignore the sound of Austria gagging and sick splattering the toilet in the background.   
"Hello Germany! Ni hao ma?" China asked.  
"I'm doing fine, but Austria isn't. I need your medical advice on a certain problem."  
"Ai yah! Why does everyone come to me for medical advice? Why not India, aru?" China asked from the other end.  
"No one has his number." Germany said flatly.  
There was a pause. "What are his symptoms?" China said finally.  
"Roderich has been sick for two days straight now. He's been vomiting a lot." Germany said. He watched as Austria heaved a few times before sticking his head back in the toilet, the sound of liquid hitting water made Germany's stomach churn.  
"It could be acid reflux, aru." China said thoughtfully. "I could come over and check on him tomorrow if you'd like."  
"That would be wunderbar." Germany said.  
"See you tomorrow then! 再见!" China said.  
"Auf weidersehen!" Germany said, hanging up. He turned around to see that Austria was curled up on the floor, tears leaking out of his eyes. "Roderich, are you alright?"

"I'm sorry... it's the strawberries. I can't stand the smell of them." he said, his throat raspy.  
Germany moved a stray hair out of his husband's eyes and moved the Austrian's head so it was on his lap. "Yao's coming over tomorrow to examine you. He thinks you may have acid reflux, but he has to be sure before he prescribes anything."   
Austria nodded his head slowly.  
"We'll go home tonight." Germany said.   
Austria let out a sigh, tears rolled down his pale cheeks. "I'm sorry..." he said weakly.  
"It's not your fault, Roderich. Things happen."

Prussia and Russia had shot their way through fifteen co-op survival missions when Germany walked through the front door. Prussia's ears pricked up and he switched the input to HDMI1, so that they were watching Caillou on the television. Russia quickly stuffed away the remotes and hid them from sight. The two of them pretended to be sleeping on the couch, little Prussia wrapped in Russia's scarf.  
Germany walked in and sighed, content to see that Russia and Prussia were sleeping. He was totally oblivious to the fact that, between the two, they had killed enough Russian terrorists to fill a whole city.


	7. A test

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> China comes over to examine Austria... and gives an unexpected diagnosis.

At about seven in the morning, Germany walked into the bathroom to see Austria asleep in front of the toilet. He picked the pianist up gently and carried him back into the bedroom. He pulled the covers over the brunette and walked back into the restroom to take a shower and get ready for the morning. When he walked back in the bedroom, Austria had headed downstairs and was making wurst. He was humming happily as he cooked the sausages. Germany walked up behind him and snaked his arms around the Austrian's waist, kissing him on the neck softly.  
"Guten morgen." Germany said, burying his nose in Austria's hair. "Are you making wurst for breakfast?"  
"Ja. Are you hungry?" Austria asked, smiling slightly. He looked extremely exhausted, which was no surprise because he got sick at three in the morning.  
"I might have some with my morning coffee." Germany said thoughtfully. "Russia said he would volunteer to be a temporary live-in babysitter until we figure out how to turn Prussia back to normal."  
"That's nice of him." Austria said, poking one of the wursts with a fork. "They'll be done in a few minutes."  
"Do you want some coffee?" Germany asked.  
"Nein. I've got myself a glass of water." Austria said.

Prussia walked in sleepily. "Mornin'" he mumbled, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.  
"I see that you don't smell like urine this morning." Austria observed. "Have you stopped wetting your bed? Two days is awfully fast."  
"What kind of a greeting is that, Aristocrat?!" Prussia screeched indignantly.  
"So you haven't stopped. Did Russia buy some diapers then?" Austria asked, splitting the wursts between four plates.  
"They're pull-ups, Danke schön!" Prussia said, turning red. He tried to snatch his plate off the counter, causing a fat wurst to fall and smack him on the head.  
Austria pretended not to notice the offending wurst (which Aster gobbled up in a heartbeat) and sat down at the table. He pulled out the morning paper and started to read the front page's article. "Swaziland is changing his name to eSwatini." he said mildly.  
"Interesting. Yao's coming over later today." Germany said casually. "He's going to try to find out what's making you sick, Roderich."  
"Good for him." Prussia said, trying to wipe the sausage grease out of his silver hair.  
"I don't really think it's really anything..." Austria said stiffly. "You really don't need to..."  
"Austria, I've already called him." Germany said, putting on his reading glasses. He opened a Dog Fancy magazine and started to read an article on advanced dog training. "You're not getting any better than you were a few days ago.  
"It's just a stomach bug." Austria said shortly.  
"Hey! Pay attention to the Prussian!" Prussia squeaked from his spot on the floor. Two of the three wursts were still on his plate. "I need up!" He said, pointing to an empty chair.  
"You could say Bitte." Germany said, pinching the bridge of his nose.  
"I'll say please when Hell freezes over!" Prussia squeaked, walking into the living room.  
"Gilbert, if you so much as get a grease spot on my couch..." Germany called after him.  
"Yeah, whatever!" Prussia called back, crawling onto the couch where Russia was sleeping.

The Russian was asleep under a quilt he found in the linens closet in the laundry room. Even though he was wrapped in a thick blanket, cold seemed to radiate from him, chilling the entire room.  
Prussia sat at Russia's feet, munching on his wurst.  
Russia seemed to be the only person in Prussia's life that wasn't annoying (besides Italy, of course <3). Instead of annoying, he was downright terrifying. However, Prussia got to know the cold country a bit better when they had bonded over a game of Call of Duty. Apparently, Russia was terrorised by his younger sister and General Winter for most of his life. Of course, he had other small problems (such as a young, dashing, awesome country by the name of Teutonic Knights...). Russia, strangely enough, hated the cold and loved sunflowers.  
Prussia looked at the Russian as he slept.  
The large country looked so peaceful. Even in his sleep he had that unsettling smile that hid an insane and dark persona. Prussia felt a nagging urge to run his finger's through Russia's beautiful blonde hair. He crawled over Russia's legs and onto his firm chest. He slowly extended one hand to touch a smooth strand of hair when the supposedly sleeping Russia closed his hand around the three year old's wrist.  
"Good morning, Prussia." Russia said, looking at the silver-haired country sleepily. "What are you doing?"  
Prussia nearly fell off the couch in shock. "N-nothing!" the Prussian said, blushing.  
"Okay." Russia said, pulling the blanket off himself. He was wearing no shirt and only a pair of dark green pants. "I smell breakfast!"  
Prussia's eyes bulged as he took in the Russian's muscular frame and finely toned abs. The Russian headed to the kitchen, giving Prussia a clear view of the back of neck. There were many scars, but what stuck out was a branding mark that looked horrifyingly familiar. It was the Teutonic Cross. A painful memory flooded into Prussia's mind. He'd given Russia that brand as a parting gift after the Teutonic Knights lost the Battle on the Ice.

Russia walked into the kitchen and picked up his plate of wurst. He took a bite off one of the sausages and stuffed the others in a pipe for later. "You make good wurst." he said, smiling.  
"Danke." Austria said, taking a sip of his water.  
Germany got to his feet and rinsed his plate off, putting it away in the dishwasher. He took out a rag and started to wipe off the tables and the grease from off the floor.  
Prussia ran in the room, bawling.  
 _'Here comes the emotionally unstable train wreck..'_ Germany thought to himself.  
"What is it, Gilbert?" Austria asked, setting down the newspaper. He kneeled down on the floor beside the little country.  
"Blackie took my wurst!" Prussia wailed. "The bastard gobbled it all up and then ran away, knocking me over!"  
"Did he?" Austria asked, frowning.  
"Ja!" Prussia said, tears streaming down his cheeks.  
Austria cast a suspicious look at the offending German Shepherd, who turned tail and ran out the doggie door.  
"Do you want me to make you something else?" Austria asked softly.  
"No...." Prussia said, calming down. "I'm okay now." He sniffled and walked over to where Russia was standing. The superpower was finished with his small breakfast and was now using a butter knife to clean his fingernails.  
Prussia grabbed onto his leg and clung there. Russia looked down but didn't say anything.  
Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Aster and Berlitz went hysterical, barking at the door like insane animals. Blackie was still in hiding.

"That must be China." Germany said, getting up from his chair. "Roderich, make yourself comfortable on the couch."  
Austria went and sat on the sofa in the living room, taking his glass of water with him. Germany tried to pull the two large dogs back as he opened the door with his bare foot. China stood in the door way with Japan beside him.  
"I brought Honda with me to help!" China said, gesturing to the Japanese.  
"こんにちは, Germany-san." Japan said, bowing respectfully. "It has been a while since I last came." (Author's note: That's what she said.)  
"Ja. Make yourself at home, Kiku." Germany said.  
China walked in, carrying what looked to be a bunch of textbooks in a large bucket. Kiku brought in a few boxes.  
"Where is Roderich?" China asked.  
"He's in the living room, just through here..." Germany said, leading the two men into the main room.  
"Ai yah! You have a nice house, aru." China commented.  
Austria was sitting at the grand piano playing a piano sonata by Mozart. His movements were fluid and his fingers danced over the keys. He looked like there was nothing wrong with him and it was just another normal day.  
Germany, Japan, and China stood there, motionless as Austria played, listening to every note with earnest. Finally, Austria finished and the three clapped politely.  
Prussia walked in, ruining the moment. "BOOOO!!! No one CARES!!!" he said. "No one cares, Little Master!"  
Germany sighed and carried the angry, awesome, and verbally-abusive Prussia up to his room for a time out.

He came down a few minutes later, the faint sound of a child screaming following behind him. "He's angry that he's in time-out." Germany sighed, nodding towards he stairwell.  
"Perfectly understandable." China said, smiling. "South Korea used to scream a lot too. So, what seems to be the problem, aru?" he asked.  
"I appear to have a small case of the stomach flu." Austria said blandly. "I really don't think this is necessary, Ludwig."  
"So, just vomiting and nausea, or are there any other symptoms, like fever, aru?" China asked.  
"He's had a change of taste and is sensitive to the smell of strawberries." Germany said.  
"Ai yah! You're not going to like where these symptoms are leading, aru..." China said, looking through one of the thick books.  
"What do you mean?" Austria asked.  
"I need to conduct a small test." China said. "Do you have any strawberries?"   
"In the fridge." Germany said.

China made eye-contact with Japan and the other country nodded, getting up to retrieve the fruit from the refrigerator. He came back a few minutes later with a few berries and a knife. He handed them to China. Russia had snuck in behind him and was watching China from behind a curtain.  
"This is a test, Austria. It will help me come to a conclusion for your diagnosis. Are you ready?" China asked, moving the bucket in front of the Austrian just in case.  
Austria nodded. "Ja." he said, looking at the berries warily. Just the look of them made his stomach churn.  
China sliced the top off the largest of the three berries.  
The smell of strawberries reached Austria's nose and a wave of nausea overtook him. He bent over the bucket and retched, emptying his breakfast into the container. He took a deep breath, but the scent of the freshly cut strawberry was overpowering and his stomach lurched again, making him heave a few times before more liquid splattered the base of the bucket.   
Germany put a hand on the Austrian's back to steady him.  
"The test is confirmed positive." China said, handing Japan the cut strawberry, knife, and uncut fruits.  
"What was the test?" Germany asked as Austria burped up his breakfast.  
"It seems that Rocerich Edelstein has a good chance of being pregant." China said with such finality that it was obvious he wasn't joking.

"Pregnant?" Germany said blankly. His head was spinning. Austria? How could Austria be pregnant? Austria was a man! "H-how?"  
"Remember, Ludwig. Countries have a different anatomy than humans. Yes, they are made to fight, but they are also made to reproduce if necessary, aru. That goes for both men and women. Of course, women don't have penises, but they still manage... somehow." China said awkwardly.  
"I... could be pregnant?" Austria asked, shaking uncontrollably. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and sat up. He looked down at his flat stomach and put his shaking hand on it. He had always wished for a child with Germany, but he never expected it to happen like this.  
"I would suggest you buy a pregnancy test and see for yourself." China said.


End file.
